Hidden Sorrow
by Kaliya22
Summary: An away mission brings out a part of Tasha's past that no one ever knew about. Can they help her heal the wounds she had managed to hide for so long? Changed rating to M, added last 2 chapters I have completed.
1. Chapter 1

Tasha studied the pair of raksi as she, and the rest of the away team, followed them down the hall. Their sleek, reptilian bodies were covered with fine scales in a variety of colors. The female was a dark blue, with hints of green and purple reflecting in the light. She wore green pants, and gold armbands wrapped around her upper arms. She wore no shirt, as she had no need to since reptiles didn't have breasts. A gold choker set with purple stones hung around her neck. And the small crests on her head were adorned with purple stones as well. The crests were what separated males from females. Females had smaller, more elegant crests, often adorned with jewels. The crests of the males were much larger, and spiked. The male leading them was stunning. His scales were ebon and edged with silver, making for a majestic look. He wore black pants and silver armbands. The spikes on his crest were silver and looked very sharp.

Tasha thought about how the away team was on this planet, called Sila, at Starfleet's request. The people of Sila had applied for Federation membership, and, since there was no other starship close, Starfleet had asked the Enterprise to send a team over to oversee the application. Riker had brought Tasha, Geordi and Worf along on this mission. Their first day was going extremely well – the raksi were a very pleasant race, and the planet was gorgeous. Since the Enterprise was in a neighboring solar system assisting with a peace conference, the away team would be spending several nights on Sila. Tasha was brought out of her thoughts as the raksi pair led them into a circular room and stopped.

The room was a library. Books filled a multitude of shelves lining the walls, and were strewn across various tables. Tasha scanned the room, noting that it was empty except for a small raksi female with a child on her hip. She stood with her back to the party, staring out the window. The child noticed them first, and pointed his tiny finger at them, making a soft sound. The woman turned. Tasha noticed that her crests were smaller than the other females she had seen, and no gems adorned her. "This is Kiaha, and her son Lak," said the male escorting them. "I wanted you to meet her, so you could see first hand the steps the rebels have taken against us."

One of the reasons Sila was applying for Federation membership was to be able to request aid in dealing with a large, growing group of rebels. Tasha wondered what this female had to do with the rebellion. The male, Slvark, continued his story. "Kiaha was kidnapped just over two years ago, when the rebels were just beginning to band up against us. They took her to their compound and threw her in a cell. Over the next week, the males had their way with her." Tasha shivered, pushing her own memories back. "At the end of the week, they let her go. She came home, and soon discovered she was pregnant. She was only 14 years old, just barely old enough to bear a child." Slvark continued talking, but Tasha didn't hear anymore. She was lost in her own past. Will noticed her distant look and gently touched her arm. "Tasha? Are you ok?" Will kept his voice down so he didn't attract the others attention. Tasha gave herself a mental shake, and forced a smile. "Fine sir, sorry, guess I'm a bit tired." Will didn't buy it but nodded. They both turned their attention back to Slvark. Tasha soon found herself watching Kiaha and her child out of the corner of her eye. The young girl was speaking softly to her child, and was rewarded by giggles from the boy. Tasha felt the sting of tears in her eyes and was glad that Deanna was not on this mission. She sensed Will watching her again. He reached over and placed his hand on her lower back. She trembled lightly at the effort of keeping her emotions in. "Tasha?" Will whispered, his voice full of concern. She shook her head slightly. "Not now Will," she whispered back, "please." She felt his fingers press into her back gently as acknowledgement.

Tasha said a silent thank you as Slvark finished his story and started out of the room. She gave one last glance towards Kiaha and Lak as she followed the rest of the team out of the door. The next couple hours were spent learning about the raksi way of life and getting a tour of the palace and its grounds. It was all very interesting, and Tasha soon found herself enjoying it. By the time they were being led to their quarters, Tasha had almost managed to forget about the girl and her child.

Slvark stopped outside of a large, open door. "Here are your quarters for the night," said Slvark, his voice like a silky hiss. "We assumed you would want to mate with your female tonight, so we didn't separate you," he stated. Tasha's jaw dropped and she sensed the amusement of the rest of the team. She turned to glare at each of them in turn. Geordi smartly didn't meet her gaze, while Worf just looked intrigued. Will grinned at her, and gave her a wink. Blushing, she turned away. She heard the raksi inquire if that was acceptable, and Will's reply that it was. The raksi showed Will a bell next to the door, instructing him to use it if there was anything they needed. Will thanked them and they left.

Tasha turned back to the men as the door closed. Riker tried to look serious as he swaggered towards her. She put her hands on her hips as he stopped a few feet in front of her. "So," he said, "wanna mate?" He managed not to smile, but he wiggled his eyebrows up and down at her. She busted out laughing. Grabbing a nearby pillow, she threw it at Will. He ducked and laughed. Geordi chuckled. Worf regarded them with a blank expression. "I thought it was a good idea," he said, his deep voice carrying over their laughter. Tasha stared at him, until she saw the tiniest of smiles turn up the corners of his mouth. She threw a pillow at him. He caught it, and it exploded, showering him with feathers. Worf growled while the rest of them dissolved into laughter.

They had just barely cleaned up the mess when several raksis entered with their dinner. They spread the dishes out on a table to the side. Slvark was there as well. Will asked him if there were any blankets available. "Blankets?" asked Slvark. "Ah, I forgot, you are not cold blooded like us. I will see what I can find for your comfort." Slvark left the room, the rest of the raksis following. Will hoped they didn't take long, he could already feel the cold creeping into the room. He caught Tasha rubbing her arms out of the corner of his eye. He turned to her. "You ok?" She nodded. "Just getting a tad chilly." He kept his gaze on her and she realized he was referring to earlier. She shivered, and swallowed before continuing. "I'm fine Will," she said softly, letting her voice and eyes tell him it wasn't something she could discuss there. He stared at her a moment and gave a tiny nod. "Well, let's eat," said Will. They moved over to the food. Fortunately, the native cuisine was close enough to what they were used to. They ate heartily, and sat chatting afterwards. Not too long after they finished eating, Slvark returned with some blankets for them. Will thanked him, and they went about setting up their bedding for the night. The raksis didn't use beds. Instead, they settled for piles of pillows and cushions on the floor.

Tasha picked out the plumpest looking set of pillows and settled down in the middle of them, glancing around as if to dare one of the men to comment. They smartly kept quiet. Will threw a couple of blankets her way and she wrapped them around herself, shivering slightly. She was reminded briefly of nights on the street of her home world. She shivered again, but not due to the cold this time. She quietly watched the men prepare their bedding. They were soon done, and all of them sat around chatting about Sila and the raksis. The planet and its people seemed like a promising group to join Starfleet, and the away team was definitely enjoying their time exploring the new planet.

The four of them settled down to sleep a few hours later. Tasha buried herself down into her pillows, tucking her blankets carefully around her body to keep her body heat in. Soon she was somewhat warmer and she drifted off into sleep. Hours later…

…_A young Tasha huddled in the dark alleyway, hoping the men didn't see her. She shivered, her scant clothing not much protection against the chill of night that was creeping over the city. She had to find a place to spend the night, and soon. Watching the men wander off, she scampered out the other end of the alley and into a tunnel entrance nearby. She ran lightly down the tunnel, watching carefully for the piles of rubble that could trip her in the fading light. About half a mile in, she turned down a side path. She had spent the last few nights here. As she ducked into the niche she slept in, a pair of green eyes popped up from behind some rubble to regard her curiously. Tasha smiled as the orange tomcat crawled over the rubble to greet her with a soft meow. "No food today pal, I wasn't so lucky." She reached down to pet the cat, but as her fingertips brushed the top of his head, the cat dropped down into a crouch, and a low growl came from his throat. "Nice kitty," came a voice from behind Tasha. Her eyes widened and she bolted for her escape path_

_She didn't make it three steps before strong arms grabbed her. She fought back, scratching at the arms that held her, kicking wildly, until a slap to her face sent her to her knees. She started to scramble away, but one of the men pounced on her, pinning her to the ground. She yelled in fear and anger. Just last week she had watched what happened when another gang had cornered a girl her age. Tasha knew the same was about to happen to her. The man pinning her ripped the clothes off her body. Tasha struggled until he threatened to slice her throat open. Tasha went still, figuring it was better to be alive. She felt him between her legs, and then she cried out in pain as he pierced her, taking her virginity. After each of the five men had his way with her, they left her, huddled on the cold concrete floor. Tasha silently vowed her revenge as hot tears coursed down her cheeks._

_Five weeks later, Tasha walked out of an alley, wiping her mouth with her hand. She had just pilfered a hot cheese biscuit from a merchant, only to throw it back up right after eating it. The same thing had happened the day before. She figured something was wrong with that merchant's supplies…_

_Three and a half months later, Tasha ran her hands nervously over her swollen stomach and instantly regretted it as the action pulled her shirt over her budding breasts and her nipples that were so sensitive they hurt at the slightest touch. "Yer pregnant, child," said the old woman that served as a source of medical knowledge to the colony._

_Four and a half months later, Tasha was back at the old woman's. Sharp labor pains had her squatting on the floor as she waited. Finally the woman came over. Two other women came as well, and spread clean blankets out under Tasha. They took up position on either side of her, each taking an elbow to help her stay upright. The old woman gently rubbed Tasha's belly and felt between her legs. "The babe is in position, it won't be much longer." Minutes passed and then another wave of contractions hit Tasha. She gasped, and the women held her up. Soon the old woman was yelling at her to push. Tasha pushed. And pushed. And then, finally, she felt the baby slide out of her. The woman caught it, and gently laid it upon the blankets. Tasha looked down to see a baby boy, covered in her blood. He opened his eyes and looked up at his mother._

_A year later, Tasha carried her boy on her hip as she ran from another gang group. Three men chased her through the streets and alleyways. She slipped into a tunnel entrance and hoped they didn't notice. The footsteps followed her, and she cursed. She prayed there were no mineshafts in this section as she ran almost blindly along. Suddenly a man stepped out in front of her, and she screamed. She almost succeeded in fighting him off when the others caught up behind her. One grabbed her babe from her arms. Separated from his mother, the child began to scream. The first man threw Tasha to the ground and she landed just inches from one of those bottomless shafts she had feared stepping into. He tore her clothes off and forced her legs open. As he began to rape her, Tasha looked over at her screaming baby. The man held him by one arm, dangling him over the ground. As he noticed Tasha watching him, he grinned and walked around to stand next to the mineshaft. Tasha's eyes widened as she realized what the man was going to do. He held her baby boy over the shaft and let go. Tasha screamed…_


	2. Chapter 2

Tasha woke with a gasp. Her own scream still rang in her ears, but Will and the others remained asleep so it was just an echo from the nightmare. She bit her lip to keep from sobbing out loud as she untangled herself from her blankets and quietly made her way to the patio door. She slipped outside, closing the door behind her. She made it to a bench at the corner of the garden, where she sat down heavily as her tears overtook her.

Will had woken when Tasha went out. She hadn't made a sound, but the cooler air coming in from outside had stirred him. He always was a light sleeper when in a strange place. Wondering what had woken Tasha, he followed her out to the garden. He found her on a bench, face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with sobs. Alarmed, he called out to her. "Tasha? Are you ok?" She jumped up, startled by his silent approach. Embarrassed, she turned away, wiping her face. "I'm fine, sir." He appeared at her shoulder. With one hand, he gently spun her around to face him. Wiping the tears off her cheek, he spoke softly. "Somehow, I think these tears say otherwise." Faced with his kindness and gentle touch, Tasha lost the barrier keeping her emotions under control. Alarmed again, Will pulled the sobbing woman into his arms. He led her back to the bench and gently sat her down; keeping his arms around her he straddled the bench next to her. He rocked her gently back and forth. "Tasha, it's okay. Everything will be okay."

Tasha clung tightly to Will. She was embarrassed at crying like this, but at the same time she needed it so badly. Will just held her tight, whispering comforting words and rocking her. When she was finally able to calm down, she pulled away from Will, shivering in the cold night air. He took her hands and squeezed them. "Are you ok?" "I'm better now. Thanks Will," she replied, blushing. "Want to talk about it?" Normally Tasha would automatically answer no to that question, but tonight, for some reason, she started telling Will about her nightmare. When she was done, Will sat there stunned. "How old were you when this happened Tasha?" "I was 13 when I was raped, 14 when they killed my baby." "My god…" Will shook his head. Tears fell down Tasha's cheeks again. Will gently ran his fingers over her cheek. "I'm so sorry Tasha." He pulled her close again and she cried softly. "This is what upset you earlier, isn't it? The girl, Kiaha, she reminded you of yourself." Tasha nodded against his chest. Will held her tighter and gently kissed the top of her head.

They soon went back to bed. Tasha curled back up in her blankets, shivering slightly. She closed her eyes, but found herself unable to sleep again. As soon as the first light of dawn hit the sky a few hours later, she quietly headed out to the gardens again to do her morning exercises. Worf soon joined her, and the two fell into their usual workout routine. They finished up and showered before joining the rest for breakfast. Will watched Tasha carefully as she sat down. She met his eyes briefly and gave him a small smile.

After breakfast, the team continued their diplomatic duties. They toured various parts of the city, spoke to the leaders more about what joining Starfleet would do for them, and enjoyed a mid-day meal along the bank of a gorgeous river that cut through the heart of the city. The afternoon was spent being entertained by the raksis. Will and the rest found themselves being amazed with the similarities to Earth life. They watched a movie, and had dinner while enjoying a play. It was quite late when they finally got back to their quarters. Tasha yawned as she got ready for bed. Even though she was exhausted, she chatted with the rest for another hour before they all were ready for sleep.

Bidding the rest goodnight, Tasha huddled down into her blankets, and stared up at the ceiling. She realized she was afraid to fall asleep. She tried to fight it at first, but soon, sleep overtook her. The dream started almost as soon as she was asleep. She was not quiet this time however. She whimpered softly as she tossed and turned on her pillows. Across the room, Will rolled over, half woken by her whimpers. As her dream neared conclusion again, Tasha screamed. Will was awake in a heartbeat, and quickly realized what it was. Worf and Geordi were awake too, weapons drawn as they sought out the enemy. Tasha was still caught in her dream. Will rushed to her. "Tasha, wake up!" He shook her gently. She cried out again. Will called out to her a second time, louder. Tasha woke up, and, still caught in the fear of her dream, scuttled backwards away from them all. She huddled against the wall as the dream slowly faded. "Tasha?" Geordi's voice was concerned. Will waved him and Worf back, knowing Tasha's desire for privacy. He went to Tasha's side and knelt beside her. Tasha looked up at him. "My baby…they killed my baby…" Her sobs followed. Will pulled her to him, holding her tight as she cried.

Dawn found Tasha curled up against Will in his pile of pillows. She woke up as the first rays of sunlight fell into the room. Glancing around, she saw that the rest were still deep asleep. Moving carefully so that she didn't wake Will, she got up and headed to the shower. Coming out fifteen minutes later, she found the rest slowly waking. Tasha slipped out to the garden while they quietly took their turns at the shower. Will came for her when it was time to head to breakfast. After breakfast, it was time to discuss planetary issues with the leaders of Sila. They had seen a lot of the cultural aspect of the raksis, but none of the political. And now they suddenly found themselves faced with a plea from Slvark and the other leaders to help end a rising rebellion. Will calmly explained that if they were accepted into Starfleet then yes, Starfleet would be able and willing to assist in any way necessary, but until that time, the Prime Directive forbid them from interfering. "I understand," said Slvark, sorrow in his voice.

They went with Slvark shortly after. Slvark was heading back to his offices, and the away team was hoping to explore the city's library. They were in a knot, walking down the street, Slvark's guards in a circle around them. Out of nowhere, hooded raksis poured into the street, armed with a variety of weapons. Alarmed, the guards pulled their weapons, but were quickly shot down. The away team was hit as well. Will grunted as something tore into his shoulder, throwing him backwards. Worf grabbed him, dragging him into the entrance of a nearby alley. Geordi ran to them both. Will looked out for Tasha, and saw her struggling to help an injured Slvark. She supported the raksi and they started towards Will and the others. Suddenly, the sound of shots rang out again and Will watched in horror as Tasha's body jerked with the impacts of several shots. A phaser blast hit her leg and she went down. "No! Tasha!" Will yelled, lunging towards her. Worf caught him and held him back. "No Commander, it's too dangerous. They would just shoot you down too!"

Will leaned heavily against the wall, staring at Tasha's still body as the sounds of fighting continued. He ached to run out there, but Worf was right. Slvark lay in a heap beside her, blood flowing from the bullet wound in his forehead. The street went eerily quiet and the away team realized all of the raksi were dead. Suddenly a familiar chirp came from Will's combadge, followed by his captain's voice. "Picard to Riker, come in please." "Captain, we're under attack, get us out of here please!" Captain Picard heard the tension in his Commander's voice. "Are there injuries Will?" "Yes, please hurry," pleaded Will. Captain Picard quickly ordered the transporter chief to get the away team back on board, and to beam them directly to sickbay. He left Data in charge of the bridge and went to meet his away team.

Picard walked into sickbay just as the away team finished beaming up. He took in the scene quickly. Riker, Worf and Geordi all stood close together, Worf's hands were on Riker's shoulders as if he had been holding Will back. Blood poured from a nasty wound on Will's left shoulder. Picard at first thought Tasha was missing. He was about to inquire about her when he saw her. She was on the floor, a few feet from the others. She didn't move, and blood was already beginning to pool around her. "Tasha…" Will's voice was worried. He pulled away from Worf and slowly walked towards his injured friend. He knelt down carefully, his own injuries hurting him. Reaching out with his right hand, he gently ran his fingers over Tasha's face. He saw her chest rising and falling so he knew she was still alive. But he also saw the blood covering her body. He only got that brief moment before Dr Crusher rushed over, and with the help of her medical staff, quickly moved Tasha to a bio bed. Will found himself unable to get up, weakened by blood loss from his shoulder. Worf and Geordi helped him to a nearby bed. Dr Crusher glanced over at Will as she spoke quietly to one of her staff. The woman nodded at Dr Crusher's instructions and headed over towards Will. "Please lie down Commander, and I will give you something for pain before I look at that shoulder." Suspicious, but too weak to argue, Will stretched out on the bio bed. The nurse applied a hypo spray to his neck. Will cursed softly moments later as the sedative started to take effect.

Picard gave an amused grunt over Beverly's method of getting stubborn patients to cooperate. He walked past Will, wincing as he got a closer view of the damage done to the Commander's shoulder. He stopped in front of Worf and Geordi. The two men stood stiffly at attention. "At ease gentlemen," Picard said, keeping his voice low. "Sir, will they be alright?" Geordi asked, his voice full of worry. Picard glanced over towards the medical staff and their two patients. Dr Crusher worked furiously on Tasha. "I hope so, Lt.," he replied. "I know Dr Crusher will do her best." He turned back to his men. "Now, tell me what happened down there." Geordi and Worf gave him a quick, but complete, rundown of what had happened in the last couple of days on the planet. As they finished describing the fight that injured Will and Tasha, Deanna came into sickbay and walked over to silently stand next to Captain Picard. Picard noticed her face was wet with tears. "Counselor?" She looked up at him. "What happened Captain?" He told her the story. "Will they be ok?" Deanna asked. Picard put his hand on her arm and squeezed gently. "Will should be just fine. We don't know about Tasha yet, but I'm sure Dr Crusher will take good care of her." He paused, noticing how upset Deanna seemed. "What is it Counselor? Do you sense something?" "Fear. And sadness. It's as if Tasha is caught in some horrible nightmare." She looked over to where Dr Crusher worked on the security chief. "She's so scared. It's terrible Captain."

Geordi gently cleared his throat. "Maybe it's the nightmares she had on the planet." Deanna fixed him with a questioning look. "She woke up screaming last night. Will took care of her, and told us later that she had a nightmare the first night as well." "Do you know what it was about?" Deanna asked. Geordi shook his head. "Commander Riker didn't tell us." Deanna looked back towards Tasha, her eyes filled with concern for her friend.

A little over an hour later, Tasha was stable. Dr Crusher informed them that Tasha would have to spend a few days in sickbay and a couple weeks in physical therapy, but she would be just fine. Will's wound had been taken care of as well, and he was sleeping off the sedative. Relieved, Worf and Geordi headed out to get some rest. Picard followed, after asking Dr Crusher to keep him updated on Will and Tasha's status. She agreed, and Picard headed back to the bridge. Deanna stayed, sensing that Will would wake soon. She settled into a chair near his bed to wait.

She didn't have to wait very long. She sensed Will waking and called out for Dr Crusher. She stood next to his bed as he opened his eyes, feeling his confusion. He looked at her. "Deanna…" She felt his sudden panic as he remembered what had happened. He sat upright, frantically looking around sickbay. "Tasha!" Deanna put a hand on his arm, urging him to stay on the bed. " Will, Tasha's fine, everything's ok. Please, lay back down." Will calmed somewhat, but wouldn't lie back down. "Where is she?" "I put her in an isolation room, she's going to be ok Will," answered Dr Crusher, as she walked over to Will's bedside. "Give me a few minutes to examine your shoulder and I will let you go see her." The bribery worked. Will settled back down on the table, allowing Dr Crusher to examine him. Deanna took his hand, and he squeezed hers in response.

Beverly spent a few minutes checking the wound, and, seemingly satisfied, helped Will back into a sitting position. "Your shoulder will be stiff for a few days, maybe up to a week, but you shouldn't have any problems using it. Let me know if you experience any pain or swelling." Will nodded. "And Tasha?" "Come, I'll take you to her." Will carefully hopped down off the bed, following Dr Crusher as she headed towards one of the isolation rooms. Deanna trailed behind him, her forehead lined with worry. Beverly stepped into the first isolation room. Will saw Tasha, stretched out on the bio bed, the lights above her flickering as they monitored her vital signs. Will walked slowly to the side of the bed. He gently ran his fingers over her forehead. "How is she?" he asked, looking up at the doctor. Beverly looked down at the young woman. "She took a total of five actual bullet hits, and two phaser blasts. She was extremely lucky. The bullets that stuck her missed doing any immediately fatal damage, the worst was one that passed through her lung but I was able to take care of that one. She took one bullet in her right shoulder, one in her abdomen that just missed her stomach, one to her right hip and one to the left knee, where one phaser blast also hit her. The other phaser blast hit her directly in the chest, but it must have been set to stun because it did only minor damage." Beverly looked up at Will. "She was lucky the Enterprise was there, or she might not have made it. But she'll be just fine. A few days of bed rest to let her wounds heal, and then she will need a little bit of physical therapy to strengthen her left knee – the bullet and phaser did some extensive damage there. I imagine the toughest part for her will be not rushing her recovery."

Will felt a mixture of relief and anger flow through him. Relief that Tasha would be ok, and anger towards the raksi rebels that shot at them. Deanna sensed this, and placed a comforting hand on his arm. He turned towards her, meeting her eyes. He sighed, and shook the anger away. Beverly started to leave, pausing at the door. "You are released from sickbay Commander, even though I sense you're not going anywhere. Tasha will be sedated for at least six more hours if you want to go get something to eat and change your clothes." Will glanced down at his ruined uniform. "That's probably a good idea. Thanks Bev," he said, giving the doctor a smile. Beverly returned his smile and left them alone. Deanna squeezed his arm. "C'mon Will, lets get you something to eat." He looked at her, and back to Tasha, obviously reluctant to leave her. Deanna felt his concern, sensing there was more to this than she knew. Will stared at Tasha a few seconds more, brushing stray hair out of her face, before allowing Deanna to lead him from sickbay.


	3. Chapter 3

They stopped by Will's quarters so that he could shower and change before heading to Ten Forward. In Ten Forward, they found a quiet table in the corner. Will ordered a simple baked chicken meal, while Deanna got a salad. The food was there within minutes and they ate in silence. When they had finished, Will felt Deanna's eyes on him. He looked up at her, seeing concern in her eyes. "Will," she began, "what happened down there?" He paused for a moment, wondering if Deanna knew this bit of Tasha's history. He decided to tell her, hoping Tasha would understand. "Deanna, I'm not sure if Tasha would want me telling you this story or not, but I believe you need to know. For her sake." "It's not something already in her files?" Deanna asked. "No," said Will. "I don't know how she kept it out of her files, but she did." He tapped his fingers lightly on the table. "While we were on Sila, Slvark introduced us to a young raksi, a girl that had been captured by the rebels and raped repeatedly. She had a child as a result. The night after we met her, Tasha woke up in the middle of the night and went out to the garden. I happened to wake up and see her go out, so I followed, wondering what had woken her. I found her in the garden, sobbing. I went to her, held her as she cried. She told me she had a nightmare. A memory of her life in that hell hole of a colony." He paused, and Deanna sensed how much this bothered him. She reached across the table, placing her hand over his. "Dee, when Tasha was 13, a rape gang caught her. They raped her, five times, and left her. A couple months after, she figured out she was pregnant." Deanna gave a soft gasp. "She delivered the child, a healthy baby boy. A year later, another rape gang caught her. They took her boy. As one of them raped her, another one dropped her baby down a mineshaft, killing him." He looked up at Deanna. Tears shimmered in her eyes. "She never told me… Oh Will, that is horrible." "She had the nightmare again last night. She woke up screaming that time." He paused again, taking a deep breath. "How does she do it, Dee? How does she live with those horrible memories?" "She's a very strong woman Will. She also tends to just lock everything away, figuring if she doesn't think about it, it won't bother her. Of course that theory doesn't work, and I've been fighting with her over that for a while now. This adds a whole new depth to her pain however." She sighed softly.

Hours later, Will was back in sickbay, at Tasha's bedside. Deanna had to go take care of appointments, so he was there alone. He was holding Tasha's hand and watching her when she whimpered softly. "Tasha?" She whimpered louder, her body twisting on the bed. Will paged Dr Crusher. He gently shook Tasha's shoulder. "Tasha, wake up." She thrashed about on the bed, her body tense. "No… please, no!" she pleaded with her dream tormentor. Beverly rushed into the room. She placed a hypo to Tasha's neck and pressed the button. Tasha calmed and opened her eyes. Deanna ran into the room, having sensed Tasha's pain. "Will…" whispered Tasha as tears filled her eyes. "Shh, you're ok. You're in sickbay, everything's ok." He squeezed her hand. "What happened?" she asked. "What's the last thing you remember?" asked Beverly. "Slvark… the raksi, the rebels attacked us." Beverly nodded. "You were shot, five times with bullets, twice with phasers. You're lucky to be here." Beverly smiled at the young woman. Tasha groaned. "Do I even want to know how long I have to stay in sickbay?" Beverly chuckled. "A few days. But you have physical therapy after that." "Therapy? Why?" "Your knee was pretty damaged, you'll need the therapy to regain full use of your muscles and ligaments." "But I'm okay, right? I'll be able to return to my duties?" "After your therapy, yes. Tasha, you can't rush this. You need to let your body heal." Tasha sighed but nodded too. "Gotcha Doc!" Beverly rolled her eyes. "Now, I have other patients to attend to. You three behave!"

Tasha looked at her two friends. She turned to Will. "Did you tell Deanna?" Will nodded. "I'm sorry Tasha, but I had to." "It's ok," said Tasha. "She needed to know." "Tasha," said Deanna, "why wasn't that on your record?" "Would you want it to be on yours?" Tasha asked. Deanna thought for a moment, and then shook her head. "No, but it should be Tasha. This is nothing minor." Tasha stared at her for a second. "You're going to have to put this on my record now, aren't you?" Deanna nodded. "I'm sorry, but yes. But. I will put the highest classified rating on it that I can. Only the counselor, Captain and First Officer will have access to that information." Tasha nodded. "I have to get going," said Deanna. "I sort of ran out on Ensign Lisean, I'm sure she's still waiting for me to return. Tasha, we'll talk about this later." Tasha nodded again. "Thanks Deanna."

After Deanna left, Tasha turned her gaze to Will. "And thank you, Will, for being there." He gave her a sad smile. "If I had truly been there for you, you wouldn't be laying in sickbay right now, recovering." "Oh no you don't," she said, struggling to sit up a little. Will adjusted the pillows behind her. "I know you Will, you always blame yourself for anything that goes wrong on an away mission. It's my responsibility to keep the team safe, not yours." "It was my away team Tasha, of course it's my responsibility!" His voice held a hint of anger and frustration. Tasha fixed him with a cool gaze. After a moment, he laughed. "You're right, but you tend to blame yourself too!" She grinned at him. After a moment, her face went serious again. "Will, what happened on the planet? I know Slvark is dead." "I'm not sure, I need to call the Captain." "No need for that Commander," said Captain Picard, as he entered the room. Picard went to Tasha's bedside, opposite Will. He smiled down at her. "How are you feeling Tasha?" "A little sore, but otherwise ok sir." "Good, good. I can't have my security chief out of action for too long!" Tasha smiled at her Captain.

Picard looked at his officers and shifted into work mode. "You both know Slvark is dead. He was the council leader. A raksi by the name of Vstyr has taken his place. He seems to hold the same values and thoughts that Slvark had, which should make this easy. I have forwarded information regarding their application and current planetary status to Starfleet. I marked it as urgent, hopefully they will decide within the next twenty-four hours. Until then, I suggested to Vstyr that they keep the leaders safely tucked away from any possible rebel attacks, and he agreed. " He paused, plucking imaginary lint off his uniform sleeve. "If the application is approved, then we will be requested to assist in the fight against the rebels. I personally have no desire to involve members of this ship in another civilization's war, but we are obligated to if they are members of the Federation." "Is there any chance of peace between the rebels and the rest of the raksi?" asked Will. "Some," replied Picard. "The rebels are not asking for much. It seems the lower merchant class on Sila is not allowed representation in the council. This is the main point the rebels are fighting. They are all members of this lower merchant class, and they want their say in planetary issues, such as taxes and trade regulations. They have approached the council many times with requests, but have been turned away every time. Hence, the rebellion was born. If the council would just listen to them, this would not be an issue at all." "Isn't that the way of all rebellions?" said Tasha. Picard smiled at her. "Very true," he replied. "Well, I better get back to the bridge. Tasha, take care of yourself, I look forward to seeing you back at your post." He gently squeezed her arm. "Yes sir," she replied. Picard headed for the door. Will walked out with him.

"Captain, may I request…" Will began, but the Captain cut him off. "You may have a few days off duty Will, I will call you if I need you." Will suppressed a grin. "Thank you, sir." "And while you two are recovering, you can discuss this problem with the rebels and see if you can come up with a non-violent solution to the problem." "Aye sir, will do," said Will. Captain Picard regarded him for a moment and then headed off to the bridge. Will went back to Tasha's room.

Tasha was lying there with her eyes closed when Will walked in. Sensing him, she opened her eyes and looked at him. He pulled the chair over beside her bed. Sitting down, he noticed her stifle a yawn. "Tired?" he asked. "No," she said, but he could tell she was lying. "Why don't I leave and let you sleep for a few hours," he said, and started to rise. "No!" she exclaimed, reaching over and grabbing his arm. Her voice softened and tears filled her eyes. "Please Will, I don't want to sleep!" "Tasha," he said, softly. "You're going to have to sleep sometime." "No, I can't, I can't have that dream again," she said, her voice breaking as she cried. Will silently wiped the tears off her cheeks, wondering what he could do for her. "Are you hungry?" he asked. She shook her head, sniffling. Taking her hand in his, he used his other hand to turn her face upwards so her eyes met his. "Tasha, tell me what I can do to help." She looked at him a long moment before replying. "Hold me?" she said, quietly. Will's heart broke at the look in her eyes, the look of someone who hadn't had enough love in her life. He motioned for her to move over on the bed, and climbed in next to her. She curled up next to him, her head on his chest as he gently stroked her hair and ran his fingers over her back. She was asleep soon after.

Beverly poked her head into the room about half an hour after Tasha had fallen asleep. She smiled and quietly asked how Tasha was doing. "She didn't want to fall asleep." "Well, seems you've overcome that part. Call me if you two need anything." Will thanked her and she left. Soon after, he drifted off to sleep too, Tasha still held tight in his arms.

_Tasha yawned as she watched the sun rise through the dirty, broken glass of the old building. Her back against the concrete wall, she stretched slightly and looked down at the bundle in her arms. Her two month old baby suckled at her breast. He seemed to sense her gaze and opened his bright blue eyes to look up at her. Content and full, he released her breast while continuing to gaze up at her, a tiny dribble of milk falling down his chin. She smiled at him, and reached down to wipe the milk away. He surprised her with his first smile. Tasha laughed softly with joy and gently kissed him on the forehead._

Wrapped in Will's arms, Tasha smiled briefly in her sleep.

"_Tasha!" Tasha would have panicked if she hadn't recognized the voice that called to her in a sharp whisper from outside her hiding spot. Still, she gently placed her boy on his bedding and grabbed her knife before ducking out. "Ishara?" she said, staring at her younger sister standing before her. "What are you doing here? Did the coalition kick you out?" Her voice held a tinge of the pain she felt over Ishara leaving her for the coalition almost two years ago. It wasn't the girl's fault really – a man had given her some joy dust, and Ishara was instantly addicted. She left Tasha alone on the streets to be the man's plaything, getting all the joy dust that she wanted._

"_Nooo, of course not," she said in a drawn out, sing song voice. Tasha knew she was high on dust. "I just thought I would come to visit my sister." Suspicious, Tasha glanced around. "How did you find me?" "It wasn't that tough, I spotted you in the market and shadowed you here." Ishara giggled and twirled around on her toes. Tasha sighed at her sister. "You were always good at that," said Tasha. Ishara beamed at her. "So, what do you want Ishara?" "You! Come to the coalition Tasha, please! I miss you, and it is so wonderful there." Ishara clasped her hands together and a dreamy look overcame her face. "Kyle is so nice to me, he gives me whatever I want." _"Because all you want is joy dust", _thought Tasha. She heard a soft cry from inside, and ducked back in to pick up her boy before he got louder. Ishara followed her, and gasped. "A baby? Where did you get it?" "It's mine," replied Tasha. "Thanks to some friends of yours in the coalition." Ishara blinked at her, still a bit too young to fully understand. "Well, I'm sure they'll help you take care of it. Kyle has everything you need! And you could help me play with him!" Disgusted, Tasha turned her back. "Go home Ishara, I'm not joining the coalition." "But Tasha…" Ishara pleaded, grabbing onto her sister's arm. Tasha turned on her, anger flashing in her eyes. "Ishara, I said no! You left me two years ago for joy dust and a man you didn't know. I'm not going to ruin my life that way!" Anger flashed in Ishara's eyes in return. "Fine, enjoy your wonderful life on the streets, stealing food and sneaking around! I have a home and a family, a family that loves me!" Ishara turned and stalked out._

_Tasha bit back tears. Ishara would never know how tempted she was to go with her, but she had seen the horrors that joy dust caused and she wanted no part of it. But to have a family…_

Tasha twitched in her sleep, a barely audible cry passing her lips. One tear slowly fell down her cheek, but she did not wake. Her fingers curled against Will's chest, and his arm tightened around her in response.


	4. Chapter 4

_Tasha gently tucked the blanket around her boy as she watched him sleep. He was almost eight months old now. She had finally given him a name, Caleb, after remembering a story she had heard as a girl. She was brushing his hair back from his forehead when she heard a noise nearby. Sliding her knife out of her waistband, she threw a second blanket over Caleb and hoped he'd stay asleep._

_She was staying in what used to be a row house. It was more of a crumbled shell now, but it served her purpose. She heard a light rain start to fall outside as she slipped into the hallway and towards the back of the house, where the noise had come from. In the back room, she could barely make out silhouettes of the old furniture that remained. She could spot nothing else in the dark room. Sighing to herself, she turned to leave the room. As she reached the doorway, a shadow detached itself from a wall and grabbed her from behind. She let out a short scream, struggling. She felt a knife tip against her back, and a man's voice spoke near her ear. "Do what I want little one, and I won't hurt you." Tasha wanted to fight, to run and escape, but she could only think of Caleb, asleep in the other room. _

"_What do you want?" she asked, her voice cold. "Drop your knife, right there, beside the door," he instructed, pushing the tip of his knife into her a bit to emphasize that he had the upper hand. She did as he said. He pulled her back into the room, putting himself between her and the door. He let her go, and then she blinked as he lit a lantern and bright light filled the room. Her capture grinned at her. "Now, take those clothes off." She glared at him. "Or, I can cut them off," he added. She kept her glare on him but removed her clothes. Clothing was too hard to come by to let it be damaged. Once naked, she stood before him. "Not bad, not bad," he murmured. "Go over there, and lay down." She moved back a few feet to the old couch that somehow had survived and sat down. Her body was tense as she watched him undress, holding his knife between his teeth. _

_Tasha examined him as he undressed, noting the scars that crisscrossed his upper body. She kept her stare on him, showing that, while he had the upper hand, she didn't like it. He dropped his pants and her gaze went to his erect phallus. Suddenly she was terrified, as she remembered the day the rape gang caught her, and what they had done to her. She trembled and looked away from him, tears burning in her eyes. He walked over to stand in front of her. "Look at me," he said. She ignored him. He put the tip of the knife under her chin, using it to force her to look at him. The knife tip pierced her skin, and a drop of blood slid down the knife blade. "Open your mouth," he ordered. Confused at this order, she did as he said. He jammed his erection into her mouth, causing her to gag. He put one hand behind her head to hold her still while he moved in and out of her mouth. She tried to pull away, but his hold was too strong. He stopped a few seconds later however, and threw her back onto the sofa. _

_Frightened, Tasha moved back as far as she could, tears streaming down her cheeks. The man grabbed her ankles, yanking her towards him on her back. He pushed her legs open and forced himself inside her. She cried out at the pain, sobbing as he had his way with her. Fortunately, it didn't take long before he was done. He pushed her off the sofa, and laid down. She stayed in a heap on the floor, wondering what he was going to do to her next. To her amazement, she soon heard him snoring. Looking up, she saw him sleeping. She spotted his knife next to him, and knew what she had to do. Quietly, she moved over and grabbed the knife. She hesitated only a moment before slicing his throat open. His eyes flew open, his hands going to his neck, but it was too late. He was dead in seconds. She wiped the knife blade off on his corpse. Grabbing all the clothes and her knife next to the door, she left the room, closing the door behind her. She went back to Caleb, seeing he was still asleep. She gathered him into her arms, trembling._

_The scene shifted suddenly, and Tasha found herself standing above a mineshaft, Caleb in her arms. She looked to the side and saw herself, being raped. Her other self looked at her, pleaded with her, but for what she could not make out. Then she lowered her arms, and the other her screamed. Tasha looked down, and saw Caleb falling. She screamed…._

Tasha's scream echoed around the room. Caught in her nightmare, she leapt from the bed, only to land in a crumpled heap as her injured knee gave way. The present came crashing back, and she huddled on the floor, sobbing. Will was quickly by her side, gathering her into his arms as Beverly ran in. Bev took one look at her, and pulled out a hypo. She pressed it against Tasha's neck, and the woman soon quieted as the sedative took effect. Bev looked at Will. "What happened?" "Another nightmare," he replied. "I had fallen asleep, her scream woke me." "Let's get her back to bed," Bev said. Will nodded, and lifted Tasha in his arms. Bev helped him get her situated in bed, and checked Tasha's knee to make sure she hadn't damaged it more. Satisfied she hadn't, Bev gently tucked the blanket around Tasha. "She won't dream with that sedative, so she'll get at least a few hours of rest." "Good," said Will. "I'll be back before she wakes up." Will watched Tasha's sleeping form for a few seconds before quietly leaving sickbay.

Will hit the buzzer on Deanna's door. She called out for him to enter. He wasn't surprised to find her curled up on the sofa, looking out the window to the planet below. "How is Tasha?" she asked. "Sedated," he replied, sitting next to her. "Is she going to be ok Dee?" "She needs to mourn her baby. She was just a child herself when her baby was killed. Emotionally, she wasn't ready to handle the grief, so she locked it away. Seeing the girl and her child on the planet unlocked those memories. Now, she has to deal with them." "I wish she had told us about this." She smiled slightly. "Tasha is strong Will, I'm sure she'll be just fine." She sensed his concern and doubt. "Don't get me wrong Will, she will need time and, most importantly, our support. But I believe being forced to finally face this, she will come out of it better off than she was before." Will nodded slightly. "How can I help her?" Deanna tilted her head to the side as she answered. "She is going to need you Will. Just be there for her, encourage her to talk about it, listen to her, and be her shoulder to cry on." "That's easy enough," he replied. "It sounds easy Will, but once you start to hear all of her stories, her nightmares…" she trailed off, shaking her head. "You two have been friends since almost the start of your tours on this ship. But you have not seen her after a nightmare until now, and she had not opened up to you about her past in this degree until now. I can sense a deep bond forming between you two. Whatever you do, don't break that bond." Will nodded, staring out the window as he thought about his friend lying in sickbay.

A short while later, he was at Tasha's side again. He watched her as she slept peacefully under the sedative's effect. He looked up as Bev walked in. "How much longer will the sedative last?" "Not long," said Bev. She hesitated a second. "Will, when she wakes… she won't have dreamed, but the last thing she'll remember is the nightmare she had right before." Will looked down at Tasha again as the young woman stirred. Tasha whimpered softly. Will gave Bev a quick glance, and the doctor moved closer to Tasha's bed. "She's slipped into a normal sleep, the sedative has worn off fully now," said Bev, quietly. Will shook Tasha's shoulder. "Tasha, wake up," he said. Tasha opened her eyes and saw him leaning over her. She panicked, but Will was ready this time. He grabbed her, keeping her from jumping out of the bed. "Tasha!" Tasha fought him, still not thinking right. "Lt. Yar, at ease!" That got her attention. She met his eyes and he saw the raw turmoil of emotions in hers. His hand was still on her shoulder, and he squeezed gently. She reached up and placed her hand on top of his.

Meanwhile, Bev had moved back to the door. She watched the two quietly. She hated to disturb them, but she had to talk to Will. "Commander, may I speak with you a moment?" Will glanced at her and nodded. He squeezed Tasha's shoulder again and spoke softly to her. "I'll return shortly, ok?" She nodded, and Will followed Bev out of the room. In Bev's office, Will waited patiently. "I need your help Will." Will raised an eyebrow. Bev continued. "You know how stubborn Tasha can be, and how much she hates sickbay and anything that limits her. I need you to help me with her physical therapy." "How can I help?" "Take her to the holodeck for an hour or so each day, just to walk. It will give her time away from sickbay and exercise for her knee. Just don't let her do anything strenuous." Will smiled. "I think I can manage that much." "Good," said Bev, returning his smile. "You can take her now if she's feeling up to it." Will nodded and went back to Tasha.

Tasha quickly agreed to a walk on the holodeck. Will helped her out of bed. She leaned on him as they left sickbay, but by the time they got to the holodeck she was walking on her own, albeit slowly. "May I pick the program?" she asked. Will nodded, curious what she would choose. She punched in a code and stepped towards the door. The door slid open to reveal a brightly moonlit beach. "Moonlight?" said Will, surprised. "Do you not like it? I can change it," said Tasha as she turned back to the panel. Will grabbed her hand. "No, no, I like it, I was just surprised that's all." He smiled at her, and motioned for her to lead the way in. Tasha walked onto the sand and, balancing carefully, removed her shoes and socks. Will copied her, smiling as his bare feet slid into the warm sand. Tasha walked out to the water's edge, watching the moonlight play off the gentle waves. Will stayed back a moment and watched her, noticing the way the moonlight shone on her hair and skin, giving her an ethereal glow. He also noticed the shadow of sadness that passed over her face. Moving to her side, he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close to him. She turned halfway, resting her head on his shoulder. He heard her give a soft cry. His only response was to tighten his arm around her. She pressed herself closer to him for a few minutes. Soon, she gave a sigh, and turned, indicating with her movements that she was ready to walk. She stayed close to him, and he slipped his arm from her waist, taking her hand instead.

They walked together in comfortable silence. Will was trying to think of other activities to help Tasha's recovery when she stumbled. He glanced at her, and saw the pain on her face. She took another step and stumbled again. Stopping, she turned towards him, favoring her injured leg. He saw frustration mingle with the pain in her face. "I can't do anymore Will." He released her hand and scooped her up in his arms, starting towards the door. "Wait," she said, "could we stay a little longer?" "Of course," he replied. He lowered her to the sand, and then sat behind her, his legs on either side of her so that she could lean back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and she relaxed against him. Their comfortable silence resumed, until interrupted by the chirp of Riker's communicator. He sighed softly as Bev's voice came over the communicator. "Crusher to Commander Riker." "Riker here." "Is everything ok Commander?" "Fine doctor, we are on our way back to sickbay." "Excellent. Crusher out." He shifted to get up, but Tasha stopped him. "Will," she said, placing her hand on his arm. She turned around enough to meet his eyes. "Thank you." Will understood the depth of her words. "You're welcome," he replied. He reached up to caress the side of her face. "I will always be here for you Tasha." She smiled at him, and he knew then that Deanna was right. Tasha would hurt for awhile, but she would be fine. He returned her smile with one of his grins. "Now, let's get you back to sickbay before Dr. Crusher sends a security team after us." He helped her up, and she leaned heavily on him on the walk back to sickbay.

Two days later, Will stopped by sickbay to take Tasha to the holodeck for the third day. She greeted him with a smile, gingerly hopping off of the bed. "How are you feeling?" he asked. "Much better," she replied. "I can't wait to get out of here!" Will chuckled, knowing how much Tasha hated being stuck in sickbay. The two of them headed towards the door, only to be stopped by Bev. "Tasha," said Bev, as she walked over to them. "I'm releasing you from sickbay." Tasha smiled, and turned to look at Will. He smiled at her, putting his hand on her lower back. Bev continued, "You'll still have to come by daily for your therapy, and I still expect you to do all your exercises." "Of course," said Tasha. "I promise I'll be good Doctor." "Go then, and I'll see you tomorrow." Tasha and Will headed out the door. Tasha paused in the doorway and looked back. "Thanks Bev," she said. Bev smiled at her. Tasha and Will continued to the holodeck.

Will had insisted on picking the program for today. Tasha didn't know what to expect as the doors opened before her. She was confused when she saw a landscape covered in white… "Snow?" she said, curious. "Yes," said Will. "Have you seen snow before?" "Yes, well, no, only in pictures." Tasha walked inside, feeling the snow compact beneath her boots. She shivered, realizing how cold it was. Will was prepared, however, and joined her with a long, soft coat in his arms. He helped her into it, and slipped into one of his own. They walked a short ways together before Tasha stopped and turned to him. "What is this place?" He smiled. "This," he said, looking out over the landscape, "is where I grew up. A remote place on Earth called Alaska." "It's beautiful," said Tasha. "Come on," said Will. "There's a lot I want to show you." He wrapped his arm around her waist and they walked. In the next hour, Will showed her all the wonderful things of his homeland, from the giant moose to the salmon racing upstream. Tasha enjoyed every second of it. When it started snowing, she was delighted. Will was overjoyed to see her happy for a while.

At the end of their walk, Tasha sighed. "I wish I could have grown up somewhere half as wonderful as here." Curious, Will asked, "Have you ever created a holodeck program of your home world?" She nodded. "Yes, but only because Deanna made me." "Made you?" She met his eyes. "I had extremely bad nightmares when I started on the Enterprise. Deanna thought it might help if I worked through them on the holodeck, so I had to create the program. I haven't used it in a long time." "Would you show me?" Tasha looked at him, surprised. "You really want to see?" Will nodded, taking her hands in his. "Tasha, I will never be able to truly understand the pain you went through growing up. But maybe a glimpse into your world will help."


End file.
